The time has come, the time is now, annoying breast cancer, will you please go now?
Emotional blows are the single hardest thing to process. There are waves of uncertainty, anger, sadness, obnoxious hyper-ness (not a word, get over it), irritability, and confusion. There is also numbness where everything hits at once and you don't know which emotion to feel, so you don't feel anything. That's when you are just "functional". Last night my mom and Grandma called to inform me that the time has come for major decision making. Grandma has been fighting her evil cellular parasite (breast cancer) since January and has been doing a stellar job. She hasn't complained, she just says "what's next?". Well after 2 rounds of chemo, 7 weeks of radiation, and a laundry list of drugs, the cellular parasite will simply not go away. Complications, rebounds, ups, downs, and everything in between have come to this woman and she hasn't flinched. So yesterday they decided do we keep fighting with medicine and not guarantee anything other than a slew of doctors appointments, medications, bills, and treatments? Or do we decide to let her do whatever the world she wants and progress from there? It was decided that medical intervention would no longer be a thing. She's tired of constantly planning her life around doctor appointments and treatments. She wants to do everything on her "own". I put own in quotations because regardless of her thought of doing things by herself, we're all still 100% behind, beside, and in front of her. Surrounding her with love and support. The term that the doctors and others have use to label this decision is "hospice".
Hospice has so many negative connotations that it borders suicidal in thought processes. She's the exact same woman, her body is the exact same, her mind is the exact same, her heart and love are the exact same. The only difference is now there will be nurses to help with her current medications, and she won't be going through any treatments. It is an assistance in this case because the Hospice company now takes care of her bills, covers medications, and ensures that she is able to get whatever care she needs to make life easy. She won't have to be labeled as a Home Health case to get nurses, and Home Health is where the patient is "home bound" in order to get nursing assistance. Grandma HATES the prospect of anyone labeling her as "home bound". Yeah right. Not a thing. With "Hospice" she is allowed to do whatever she feels like and not have to worry about it being "too much" for whatever coverage she has for bills and medications and assistance. This is an organization that assists those that have a terminal diagnosis and they want to make life a little bit easier. You can be on hospice for years. It does not have to be a short term schedule.
I understand this, I know what it all means, but the emotions that are attached to the word "hospice" are still just as strong. This is why I label myself as "functional". I've run through the entire list of emotions and my body can't decide which one it wants to deal with first. Despair? Fear? Sadness? Anger? Hope? Stubbornness? Hatred towards God? Insanity? Love? Confusion? Numbness? If you see me running around like a complete crack head, doing sprints, monkey-ing on pull up bars, or just looking like a lunatic, that's because that is just about the only defense I have left. There is nothing that I can do to stop this cellular parasite from continuing it's war against my Grandma. There wasn't anything I could do when she was going through treatments either, but the constant treatments and doctors visits brought about the illusion of treatment. The odds really are about the same with or without treatment. If the tumors were able to grow during treatment, or immediately after treatment stopped, then they are just as stubborn as she is. So there's no stopping them. There's no stopping her either.
Yes, my family is heart broken. Yes, our last line of hope with treatments has been cut and we're left hanging there with the cut end watching hope fly away from us. But that doesn't change who she is. It just takes away the mirage, illusion, figment of our imagination, whatever you want to call it, from us so we no longer know where to ground ourselves. Before it was, "what's the next treatment?", "What't the next step?". Now we don't know. Do we ground ourselves in faith? Hope? Love? Aliens? Voodoo? What? I don't know anyone who has the answers, because there isn't one.
Do what you need to cope and deal with everything, but remember that Grandma isn't giving up and she is proud of all of us because we don't know how to give up. We have all overcome something in our lives and have all become successful in our own rights. She loves us and loves the fact that we are all strong. Temporary weakness is normal, but don't let it become the overwhelming norm. Until I figure out however I'm dealing, I will continue to just be functional. Functional is what will get us through the day, because time will pass no matter how we feel. Happiness is a stretch, functional is now.
Friday, December 20, 2013
Sunday, December 8, 2013
A runner on the hunt for jeans
I think that Red hit the nail on the head today during our search for my newest pair of jeans. America is getting fat and the jean design choices are proving it left right and center. I should say that it's the lack of jean choices that are making this painfully obvious. I realize that I am much smaller than the average bear, but the proportions on these jeans just do not make sense! I used to swear by American Eagle jeans because I could find the perfect size every time. Their size 2 short hit the right length, fit my legs, and my waist, and they were reasonably priced! My most expensive pair was about $49 but I usually had a coupon or went when there was a sale, so they weren't that bad. Then America Eagle decided to go with that stretch denim nonsense which made the fabric feel weird, not last as long, and didn't fit the same. Red then turned me to Express jeans for 3 years. I didn't have a huge problem with Express before trying them out, it was just that they were too expensive. I mean, upwards of $90 per pair of jeans was just ridiculous to me. Well he bought me a pair of jeans from there for Christmas what will be 4 Christmases ago now and they still look brand new. They fit really well, fitting short people without having to hem them, and just felt good. He also knew about their coupons of $25 off a purchase of $75 or more plus their Black Friday deal of about 50% off of everything. So he was on top of the deals and could usually buy each of us two pairs of jeans for the price of one pair of jeans when it was all said and done. Well this Black Friday was no different, and Red headed out to grab our jeans from Express, but they were made differently this year. I tried on the jeans he grabbed and they were WEIRD. They were a "slim boot", so virtually no flare at the end and they were the strangest cut up top that I have ever encountered. The legs were kind of tight, not too much, and were made out of a weird stretchy material that I wasn't much of a fan of. The kicker was the waist. Good grief, who designed these things?! The legs were fine, even in a zero, but the waist was so wide and ridiculous that I am positive I could have snuck a small child in the top part of my pants. I felt like a freaking marsupial! I know that I do squats, lunges, run, and bike which makes my legs muscular, but let's think about this shape. The legs are tight but the waist is abnormally large. You would have to have a beer gut to fill these jeans out. Not even remotely attractive to think about that proportion. Yeesh! After the debacle in Express we ventured to the Buckle.
First off, I have found a less expensive pair of jeans in there. They're the "Leo" or whatever, but they're about half the price of the BKE and Rock jeans and a third the price of the "vintage" jeans. I like the fact that the majority of the jeans are sized not by 0, 1, 2, 3, etc, but more by actual measurements of 25x29 or 26x31, makes my life infinitely easier. So about 50 pairs of jeans later I finally found a pair that I'm happy in, but the problem is that they are too long. Not all of their cuts in the Buckle come in their short cut, which is disappointing. The big bonus to this store though is that they offer free alterations. We're talking hemming, not full blown dress fixing. But still, it's quite nice! My issue with altering the jeans is that they are so long that the amount I have to have hemmed completely ruins the cut of the jeans. So my BKE Stella Bootcuts turn more into a skinny or straight leg. If I liked the straight leg jeans or skinny jeans then I would be in heaven. They fit me, but I'm not a huge straight leg fan. I've been looking on their website though and I've found a few more designs and styles that I would like to try out. I don't necessarily need jeans, I just like to get a new pair of jeans every year. The upside to me not growing is the fact that I don't have to buy jeans until they actually wear out, which takes a really really long time. The downside to me never growing is that I have the same jeans today as I did when I graduated high school. I do still have one pair of jeans that are still hanging on by a thread since my senior year in high school. Meh, I'll find another pair of jeans eventually. I'll just stay the same size and in a couple of years my style of jeans will come back into style. I would say that my training and lifting is why I can't find a new pair of jeans, but jeans that I've had for years fit almost the exact same as they have since I got them. So I'm thinking that's not the issue. I think Red was right and America is fat and designers are taking that into consideration so now they are more concerned with people having spare tires around their middles than trying to fit short skinny people. Meh.
First off, I have found a less expensive pair of jeans in there. They're the "Leo" or whatever, but they're about half the price of the BKE and Rock jeans and a third the price of the "vintage" jeans. I like the fact that the majority of the jeans are sized not by 0, 1, 2, 3, etc, but more by actual measurements of 25x29 or 26x31, makes my life infinitely easier. So about 50 pairs of jeans later I finally found a pair that I'm happy in, but the problem is that they are too long. Not all of their cuts in the Buckle come in their short cut, which is disappointing. The big bonus to this store though is that they offer free alterations. We're talking hemming, not full blown dress fixing. But still, it's quite nice! My issue with altering the jeans is that they are so long that the amount I have to have hemmed completely ruins the cut of the jeans. So my BKE Stella Bootcuts turn more into a skinny or straight leg. If I liked the straight leg jeans or skinny jeans then I would be in heaven. They fit me, but I'm not a huge straight leg fan. I've been looking on their website though and I've found a few more designs and styles that I would like to try out. I don't necessarily need jeans, I just like to get a new pair of jeans every year. The upside to me not growing is the fact that I don't have to buy jeans until they actually wear out, which takes a really really long time. The downside to me never growing is that I have the same jeans today as I did when I graduated high school. I do still have one pair of jeans that are still hanging on by a thread since my senior year in high school. Meh, I'll find another pair of jeans eventually. I'll just stay the same size and in a couple of years my style of jeans will come back into style. I would say that my training and lifting is why I can't find a new pair of jeans, but jeans that I've had for years fit almost the exact same as they have since I got them. So I'm thinking that's not the issue. I think Red was right and America is fat and designers are taking that into consideration so now they are more concerned with people having spare tires around their middles than trying to fit short skinny people. Meh.
Friday, December 6, 2013
Snow Day!
Snowmaggedon. Snowphoon. Snowpocolypse. Whatever snow terror you wish to call this, is now upon us! Last night it was raining and just flat out cold. Red and I went to the UC v. Louisville game and what we got to see was a really good game. Cincinnati really needs to work on actually catching the ball, that was our GIANT problem. I mean we had people wide open, they would touch the ball, then let it go all the way through their hands. Gah! We lost in overtime so it was at least a fight the whole way.
Now, when I got up to go to work this morning all that rain was on its way to becoming freezing rain. My car was encased in a sheet of ice, but thankfully it wasn't too thick and was really easy to get off. My 5am, 7am, and 9am clients all came in fine, must have been an odd hour happy day. My 6, 8, and 10ams didn't want to come in because of the weather. Meh, 50/50 for the day. Being in a 100% commissioned position has its ups and downs and today turned out to be an up. We are fortunate to have a 24 hour cancellation policy, so I was able to still get paid, but it was nice to see my clients who came in are the ones really dedicated. I did have a 12p client who didn't come in, but that wasn't because of fear for the weather, it was more because every school in Cincinnati closed before a single flake hit the ground which meant that kids were home that are normally in school. So they couldn't leave. But that was all before the snow ever hit the ground. Last night I was super happy to go to the UC game and knew that I was going to have very little sleep. So when I got home early from work I decided to take a quick nap. You know how that goes, a quick nap turns into a couple of hours. I laid down and it was still kind of freezing rain, but there wasn't an ounce of snow anywhere. My mom called and woke me up 2 hours later....and there was snow everywhere. To me it wasn't enough to warrant all the chaos, worry, and cancellations that had been going on for the past week, but it was a significant amount. I mean, considering about a half inch had coated the ground in two hours, but it's not that bad. Right now I'm waiting for Red to get home from work and hoping that the terrible Cincinnati drivers stay out of his way. It snows a decent amount every single year in Cincinnati, but every year they act as if it has never snowed here.
Tomorrow is going to be very very interesting. Hopefully the crews can get around to the streets early on because I have to work from 7a-2p tomorrow. It should be fine though because there usually aren't many people on the roads early in the morning. After work I'm really hoping to hit Harbin Park again and get in a nice 5-6 mile trail run in. It should be really pretty in all of the snow. I'll be busting out my super thick winter running tights, and probably a couple of layers on top, along with my wool socks for my run tomorrow. The high is only supposed to be about 23 degrees :/ The upside to all of this snow is that it will insulate everything a bit, so the trails will be slippery, but hopefully not horrifically cold. I will be layered to the max though because I don't want to be cold, but I still want to train in anything that isn't a treadmill!
Now, when I got up to go to work this morning all that rain was on its way to becoming freezing rain. My car was encased in a sheet of ice, but thankfully it wasn't too thick and was really easy to get off. My 5am, 7am, and 9am clients all came in fine, must have been an odd hour happy day. My 6, 8, and 10ams didn't want to come in because of the weather. Meh, 50/50 for the day. Being in a 100% commissioned position has its ups and downs and today turned out to be an up. We are fortunate to have a 24 hour cancellation policy, so I was able to still get paid, but it was nice to see my clients who came in are the ones really dedicated. I did have a 12p client who didn't come in, but that wasn't because of fear for the weather, it was more because every school in Cincinnati closed before a single flake hit the ground which meant that kids were home that are normally in school. So they couldn't leave. But that was all before the snow ever hit the ground. Last night I was super happy to go to the UC game and knew that I was going to have very little sleep. So when I got home early from work I decided to take a quick nap. You know how that goes, a quick nap turns into a couple of hours. I laid down and it was still kind of freezing rain, but there wasn't an ounce of snow anywhere. My mom called and woke me up 2 hours later....and there was snow everywhere. To me it wasn't enough to warrant all the chaos, worry, and cancellations that had been going on for the past week, but it was a significant amount. I mean, considering about a half inch had coated the ground in two hours, but it's not that bad. Right now I'm waiting for Red to get home from work and hoping that the terrible Cincinnati drivers stay out of his way. It snows a decent amount every single year in Cincinnati, but every year they act as if it has never snowed here.
Tomorrow is going to be very very interesting. Hopefully the crews can get around to the streets early on because I have to work from 7a-2p tomorrow. It should be fine though because there usually aren't many people on the roads early in the morning. After work I'm really hoping to hit Harbin Park again and get in a nice 5-6 mile trail run in. It should be really pretty in all of the snow. I'll be busting out my super thick winter running tights, and probably a couple of layers on top, along with my wool socks for my run tomorrow. The high is only supposed to be about 23 degrees :/ The upside to all of this snow is that it will insulate everything a bit, so the trails will be slippery, but hopefully not horrifically cold. I will be layered to the max though because I don't want to be cold, but I still want to train in anything that isn't a treadmill!
Sunday, December 1, 2013
I don't like to be cold
So Red and I have a constant debate about how warm or cold to keep the house. I'm am perpetually cold and couldn't be happier to be nice and toasty warm all day, every day. Red is the complete and total opposite and would be just as happy to be cold and doesn't care if there is a chill in the room. If I had things my way the house would be 75 degrees year round. We "agreed" to try to decrease the energy bill by having it only at 70 for this winter, it's not working on saving energy and I'm still constantly frozen. I am always in sweats, shorts, hoodie, t-shirt, AND socks just trying to stay warm. Nine times out of ten I'm still covered in a blanket because I can't get warm. When I'm cozy and warm, Red is sweating and uncomfortable.
I partially blame this on running. I went for a run earlier today, and it was fairly nice out, about 45 degrees when Ali and I started out. When we were on our way home the wind had picked up and the temperature dropped significantly. My thumbs always get cold for some reason, no matter how much I tuck them into my hands or wear gloves, but here lately they are reaching a new level of cold. I couldn't feel my right thumb because it was so stinking cold. I took an incredibly hot shower once I got home and finally started to get some feeling in my hands. We only went 14 miles and were outside for about 2:15, so my hands shouldn't have been that bad. I now stand corrected. Poor Ali has to deal with my whining while we're outside, then Red has to deal with me once I come inside. Last week it was 25 degrees when we took off for our 10 mile run. About 8 miles in I still had not warmed up and was decidedly over the cold and wind and Ali ended up driving my wimpy butt home. She fortunately lives 2 miles from me and we passed her apartment on our way to my house to finish the run, so when she offered to drive me home I was not going to turn her down. I was wearing plenty of layers, but I forgot a hat and I wore my thinner tights instead of my thickest. Oops. But that didn't matter too much because I couldn't feel most of my body but when I went to get in the shower to warm up, I realized that my legs were so cold that they had turned red. My nose was red for 2 days, my friend Miller was making fun of me because my nose was still so red. Hmph.
I better get used to the cold and learn to dress in different layers if I think that this 50K in February is going to happen. I'm hoping that the really cold days are few and far between. I should be able to tolerate 30's, but the 20's will most likely not be a thing. Here's to a lot of hot showers and getting my layers right!
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Thanksgiving, most thankful and emotional Thanksgiving to date
Ok, I realize that the majority of the world posts their "I'm thankful for" list before or during Thanksgiving. I'm a little behind. I'm behind because I was a bit busy. This Thanksgiving struck a new chord of thankfulness for the Davie-Chaney-Bremner-Whitson family. It is painfully obvious that the center of our family is my ridiculously strong Grandma. None of us know what we would do without her, and that thought has begun to enter my mind more frequently than I ever wanted to admit. Every day she is more and more impressive as she continues to fight with Breast Cancer and shows no signs of quitting. We've been having our ups and downs here lately, thankfully the ups have out-numbered the downs, but the downs are always heart wrenching. My Grandma went through her radiation treatment like a champ and didn't complain once. She had 7 straight weeks of 5 days a week treatment and she found the best way to look on the positive side. She never needed to worry about having a shortage of drivers to take her to and from treatments. The downside/upside to her treatments were they were about 30-45 minutes away from her house and the appointment was around lunch time. The giant benefit of this timing is that the drive meant we had good solid one-on-one conversations with Grandma to and from her treatments, plus most all of us would stop on the way home and have lunch of form. This meant that we would get a good few hours of just Grandma time and could learn something new, re-live old stories, or just hang out and catch up on things going around us. This was definitely a blessing in disguise! She finished her treatments about 3 weeks ago, perfect timing for the holidays, but this lead to a new obstacle. Grandma was put on a blood thinner to prevent clotting, well.....it didn't work. Tuesday of Thanksgiving week she had an ultrasound on her leg because it had swelled and was getting painful and it turned out that she had an extensive DVT. This is frightening on many levels because a DVT can break off and throw mini clots to your heart, brain, or lungs and cause all kinds of problems, the main fear would be death. This scared us like no other. She got to stay in the hospital for a couple of nights but then was released just in time to come home for Thanksgiving dinner/lunch.
My sister and I had come down on Wednesday night so we could start some of the food prep. Grandma had her watchful eye on us all the way from the hospital by her calling us, and us calling her, about 10 times lol. She would call to make sure we didn't forget something, then we would call her to clarify something we thought we remembered but turned out she always made and we were really clueless. We did make her a little sad one time because mom called her to have her listen to Sam and I make the turkey sing and dance. Yes, we are 28 and 23 years old and we act like 5 year olds, deal with it. The story behind this is that last year Sam and I were put in charge of prepping the turkey and some how, SOME WAY, we managed to de-spine the turkey. We THOUGHT we were taking out the neck, but when we finally tore it out an hour later we realized there were vertebrae and it wasn't nearly as pliable as it should have been. Then we laughed so hard we almost cried. Well this year we were trying to include Grandma in our shenanigans and it really just turned out to make her miss being part of the festivities in person. The positive side is that we didn't burn the house down, and we didn't have Thanksgiving without Grandma. Sam stayed the night at Grandma's house so she could start the turkey and other cooking in the morning. I went back to mom's house for the night to help her with things. In the morning when mom went into town to help Sam, I was supposed to be driving right behind her, but I decided to go to the hospital and I was not leaving until Grandma was coming home with me. Well, about 2 hours after I got to the hospital Grandma was free to go. We had a few hoops to jump through because of her meds, but she came home! That afternoon when we were all finally gathered around for food we had the most emotional start to Thanksgiving ever. We had twenty-one people gathered in our living room. That's right, TWENTY-ONE. Grandma stood at the top of the circle wanting everyone to hold hands and said she wanted to thank everyone for everything they did, the cooking, driving, visiting, and such. But not much more got out beyond thanking us for everything and that we mean so much to her. Then she cried, and we all cried. My cousin Shawn said grace right away and all you heard were sniffles as he was thanking God for our blessings of having a great family, bringing Grandma home for Thanksgiving, and allowing us to all be together and enjoy this food. There wasn't a dry eye in the house after that.
My family is special. A few people have told me that my family is weird, I'm down with that. I am a firm believer that if the way my family works is weird, then I certainly do not want to be normal. I love that we can all hang out randomly, we don't need an excuse. I love that we've grown up together and fight and love more like siblings than a giant group of cousins. We have a stronger bond than most families and I love every bit of it. A few people (outside the family) have made the comment that after Grandma passes that our family will probably drift apart, just like normal families, and we won't see each other nearly as much. Grandma is our rock, and we are her rock, but we also have grown up together in such a way that we have the strongest foundation that I have ever seen. There will unfortunately be a time when we will not physically have Grandma with us, but that won't change us getting together for holidays as a giant family, and it won't change the fact that she'll still be with us. Right now our main family gatherings are; Summer Birthdays Party, Pumpkin Carving, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Those are the ones that happen every year and are gatherings that I look forward to. I know these will continue, but we will just be gathering at a different house. But we will all still be together.
A small side-step. My family is weird. Shawn asked if I would run with my younger cousin, Titus, on Friday for a 5k. Sure! I text Red, who was still in West Chester because he had to work later, and asked him to grab my winter running gear. Friday evening Titus, who is 10 years old, and myself ran our first 5k together. He had ran a practice 5k on Monday in 27 minutes and wanted to beat that, so we ran a 26:28. He had way more left than I anticipated, so we sprinted out the finish. Next 5k we do I'm definitely pushing him more. I didn't want to kill him, and figured that as long as he was running behind me that was all the faster he wanted to go, next time will be much faster. I know he has a 24 in him!! :D
For all my family who read this, I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!
Take care!
My sister and I had come down on Wednesday night so we could start some of the food prep. Grandma had her watchful eye on us all the way from the hospital by her calling us, and us calling her, about 10 times lol. She would call to make sure we didn't forget something, then we would call her to clarify something we thought we remembered but turned out she always made and we were really clueless. We did make her a little sad one time because mom called her to have her listen to Sam and I make the turkey sing and dance. Yes, we are 28 and 23 years old and we act like 5 year olds, deal with it. The story behind this is that last year Sam and I were put in charge of prepping the turkey and some how, SOME WAY, we managed to de-spine the turkey. We THOUGHT we were taking out the neck, but when we finally tore it out an hour later we realized there were vertebrae and it wasn't nearly as pliable as it should have been. Then we laughed so hard we almost cried. Well this year we were trying to include Grandma in our shenanigans and it really just turned out to make her miss being part of the festivities in person. The positive side is that we didn't burn the house down, and we didn't have Thanksgiving without Grandma. Sam stayed the night at Grandma's house so she could start the turkey and other cooking in the morning. I went back to mom's house for the night to help her with things. In the morning when mom went into town to help Sam, I was supposed to be driving right behind her, but I decided to go to the hospital and I was not leaving until Grandma was coming home with me. Well, about 2 hours after I got to the hospital Grandma was free to go. We had a few hoops to jump through because of her meds, but she came home! That afternoon when we were all finally gathered around for food we had the most emotional start to Thanksgiving ever. We had twenty-one people gathered in our living room. That's right, TWENTY-ONE. Grandma stood at the top of the circle wanting everyone to hold hands and said she wanted to thank everyone for everything they did, the cooking, driving, visiting, and such. But not much more got out beyond thanking us for everything and that we mean so much to her. Then she cried, and we all cried. My cousin Shawn said grace right away and all you heard were sniffles as he was thanking God for our blessings of having a great family, bringing Grandma home for Thanksgiving, and allowing us to all be together and enjoy this food. There wasn't a dry eye in the house after that.
My family is special. A few people have told me that my family is weird, I'm down with that. I am a firm believer that if the way my family works is weird, then I certainly do not want to be normal. I love that we can all hang out randomly, we don't need an excuse. I love that we've grown up together and fight and love more like siblings than a giant group of cousins. We have a stronger bond than most families and I love every bit of it. A few people (outside the family) have made the comment that after Grandma passes that our family will probably drift apart, just like normal families, and we won't see each other nearly as much. Grandma is our rock, and we are her rock, but we also have grown up together in such a way that we have the strongest foundation that I have ever seen. There will unfortunately be a time when we will not physically have Grandma with us, but that won't change us getting together for holidays as a giant family, and it won't change the fact that she'll still be with us. Right now our main family gatherings are; Summer Birthdays Party, Pumpkin Carving, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Those are the ones that happen every year and are gatherings that I look forward to. I know these will continue, but we will just be gathering at a different house. But we will all still be together.
A small side-step. My family is weird. Shawn asked if I would run with my younger cousin, Titus, on Friday for a 5k. Sure! I text Red, who was still in West Chester because he had to work later, and asked him to grab my winter running gear. Friday evening Titus, who is 10 years old, and myself ran our first 5k together. He had ran a practice 5k on Monday in 27 minutes and wanted to beat that, so we ran a 26:28. He had way more left than I anticipated, so we sprinted out the finish. Next 5k we do I'm definitely pushing him more. I didn't want to kill him, and figured that as long as he was running behind me that was all the faster he wanted to go, next time will be much faster. I know he has a 24 in him!! :D
For all my family who read this, I LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!
Take care!
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Mental and Emotional Energy
So it's not a secret that I seem to get my energy from the sun. Summer is my single most favorite season, I'm ridiculously energized and happy on sunny days regardless of season, and when it's cloudy and crap-tastic it takes me a little bit more effort to be my hyper self. Some people say that "it's all in your head" on how energized you feel, and in part this can be very true, but there is also some truth to the fact that natural light and vitamin D can directly effect your mood, which can help with your energy level. You'll be hard pressed to find someone who is in a foul or depressed mood but wants to get a lot accomplished and is successful at finishing anything they start with any amount of quality. The opposite works too, if you're energized and feeling great then you are most likely to finish anything you start and end up having energy left over to tackle another task. I'm trying to teach my clients some time management, because that could definitely help, but I feel like all the time management in the world won't help them accomplish everything they think they have to do.
This is where a fun conversation between Adam and myself drops in perfectly. We joke that I'm constantly trying to organize my client's lives and all the junk that they have to do in order for them to make it to the gym. I was also listing my "to do" list for the day and it was epic. We started laughing because we looked at the list and I was like "yep, today is a day that I have so much to do that all I'm going to do is take a nap". My list was overwhelmingly long, it was cloudy and crappy outside, and people were being incredibly draining that day. For as hyper and happy as I am, I really don't like being around a lot of people. There are a select few people that I can be around all day every day and still be just as peachy as before. But when I have to be a super hyper/happy midget all the time and attempt to encourage people who genuinely don't want to be in the gym all day, it gets draining. I go in to work at 5am and typically get home between 1:30 and 3:30 depending on the day. Most days I immediately take a nap simply because I feel exhausted. I could probably run or lift or do whatever physically, but emotionally and mentally I'm shot. After my nap, in the quiet of my nook, I'm quite happy. Adam and I were also discussing the benefits of vitamin D and how living in Ohio sucks for people who are so kryptonian like myself. (My friend Phil dubbed me Kryptonian after spending a day with me at Kings Island. It was a partly cloudy day and he started cracking up because I didn't notice that when the clouds were gone I was smiley, hyper, and happy. Then when the clouds covered the sun I was just meh, still happy, but sat still and not as active.) Well I started experimenting with different doses of vitamin D, something that we get from the sun, and I don't know if it really is in my head or not, but I feel worlds better when I started taking it. I'm currently on vacation in California, and not taking the vitamin D, but I am much happier hanging out in the sun and regardless of my surroundings, I don't feel nearly as drained. Granted, I've escaped to San Diego to be with one of my mellow friends, Danielle, and I'm pretty sure there isn't a draining thing in this apartment, area, or person, so it's incredibly nice to get away.
Speaking of getting away, I'm going to go run in my most favorite place on earth simply because I can. There's a lagoon that I love to visit every time I come here, and I think I've found a great trail to get in 6 miles for the day. This brings me back to my previous point about how people are draining. Yesterday morning I was in LA from Friday night until Saturday morning, and regardless of the fact that we were supposed to be running on the beach, I wanted nothing to do with running or being around anyone. I just woke up and I was drained, which points out how not being left alone can be quite draining.
Check out my friend's page where he talks about energy management. He wants people to figure out their highs and lows of energy so they can figure out when they would be the most productive. I want people to figure out their source of energy, mine is the sun, or vitamin D. What's yours? When do you feel better? Do workouts give you energy, or do you need to get more energy before working out? Do people leave you feeling drained but usually happy (introverts), or does being around people boost your mood and you'd rather never spend any time alone (extroverts)?
Toodles, here's Adam's page about managing your energy once you figure out where you get your energy!
This is where a fun conversation between Adam and myself drops in perfectly. We joke that I'm constantly trying to organize my client's lives and all the junk that they have to do in order for them to make it to the gym. I was also listing my "to do" list for the day and it was epic. We started laughing because we looked at the list and I was like "yep, today is a day that I have so much to do that all I'm going to do is take a nap". My list was overwhelmingly long, it was cloudy and crappy outside, and people were being incredibly draining that day. For as hyper and happy as I am, I really don't like being around a lot of people. There are a select few people that I can be around all day every day and still be just as peachy as before. But when I have to be a super hyper/happy midget all the time and attempt to encourage people who genuinely don't want to be in the gym all day, it gets draining. I go in to work at 5am and typically get home between 1:30 and 3:30 depending on the day. Most days I immediately take a nap simply because I feel exhausted. I could probably run or lift or do whatever physically, but emotionally and mentally I'm shot. After my nap, in the quiet of my nook, I'm quite happy. Adam and I were also discussing the benefits of vitamin D and how living in Ohio sucks for people who are so kryptonian like myself. (My friend Phil dubbed me Kryptonian after spending a day with me at Kings Island. It was a partly cloudy day and he started cracking up because I didn't notice that when the clouds were gone I was smiley, hyper, and happy. Then when the clouds covered the sun I was just meh, still happy, but sat still and not as active.) Well I started experimenting with different doses of vitamin D, something that we get from the sun, and I don't know if it really is in my head or not, but I feel worlds better when I started taking it. I'm currently on vacation in California, and not taking the vitamin D, but I am much happier hanging out in the sun and regardless of my surroundings, I don't feel nearly as drained. Granted, I've escaped to San Diego to be with one of my mellow friends, Danielle, and I'm pretty sure there isn't a draining thing in this apartment, area, or person, so it's incredibly nice to get away.
Speaking of getting away, I'm going to go run in my most favorite place on earth simply because I can. There's a lagoon that I love to visit every time I come here, and I think I've found a great trail to get in 6 miles for the day. This brings me back to my previous point about how people are draining. Yesterday morning I was in LA from Friday night until Saturday morning, and regardless of the fact that we were supposed to be running on the beach, I wanted nothing to do with running or being around anyone. I just woke up and I was drained, which points out how not being left alone can be quite draining.
Check out my friend's page where he talks about energy management. He wants people to figure out their highs and lows of energy so they can figure out when they would be the most productive. I want people to figure out their source of energy, mine is the sun, or vitamin D. What's yours? When do you feel better? Do workouts give you energy, or do you need to get more energy before working out? Do people leave you feeling drained but usually happy (introverts), or does being around people boost your mood and you'd rather never spend any time alone (extroverts)?
Toodles, here's Adam's page about managing your energy once you figure out where you get your energy!
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Shenanigans and mini vent
So this is how you know you have a good running buddy. I was driving to work on Thursday morning and heard about a half marathon that was going to be in Mason on Sunday (today). What do I do? I don't ignore or just go "that's neat". No, I text my running buddy and ask her if she had heard of it. She takes a whopping 10 minutes to look up the race, what it supports, the course, entry fees, and weather, then signs up. Her next text is "oh! Sounds good hold on" "Ok, I'm signed up". I didn't even say I was doing it yet! Well, I naturally ended up doing it because I couldn't let her do it on her own! So mmmyeeess Ali and I signed up on Thursday for a race that was Sunday and didn't really even bat an eye.
Well race day came this morning and we trotted out freezing our butts off for the first mile. It was about 38 degrees when we started, but we dressed appropriately so we weren't super cold. We were both warm by mile 1. So I had to remind super long legs here that we were supposed to be doing a training run. Something relaxing and fun, not out to win. Constantly having to remind her to slow her 6 foot tall frame to slow it down was actually entertaining because I always had a smart alack way to say something to her about slowing down. Around mile 5 though I almost screamed at her because we were running a decent pace, and it didn't feel horrendous but I figured we would pay for it later. Yeah, that pace was 7:20. Crack-head. I told her to slow her psycho butt down or else I was going to throw my shoe at her, tell her to pick it up, then bring it back to me. Like I said, it was entertaining. We also came up for a headline for the Cincinnati Enquirer during one of the water stops. I was slowing down a touch to drink some water because the last time I tried to keep up with her I choked on the water and thought I would drown. She laughed at me since I was slowing down and I said "wouldn't that be a sight. "Master swim team coach drowns during half marathon."" The lady running behind us was cracking up because we were ridiculous. Oh, and fyi, it's really hard to laugh hysterically and run hard at the same time. Your body really appreciates it when you breath normal when you're running. Meanwhile, Ali ended up having to drag my untrained butt the last mile and a half because my legs were shot! I felt like my legs were going to fall off or just completely quit very very soon. We finished in 1:53 and some change, pretty good for an impromptu half marathon that we didn't train for. We realized about 50 yards into the race that our longest run since August was a 9 mile run that we did 3 weeks ago. Oops. Oh well, it turned out just fine!
Ok, on to my mini vent. I have a tiny pet peeve with people. Mostly people who are supposedly desperate to lose weight, really want help, and beg for training. If you know you're in bad shape and you know that you don't know what you're doing, why on God's green earth would you decide to quit training?! That's akin to wanting to become Yanni and hiring all the best teachers but only wanting to practice once per week then decide that you're going to try it on your own, and oh yeah, take up ping pong and see how your piano skills come along while playing ping pong. :/ This doesn't make any sense! I have had people tell me to my face "I know I need to lose at least 150lbs and I know what to do and what I should eat. I just don't want to do any cardio because I hate treadmills, and I don't want to lift heavy weights because I don't want to look bulky." For those of you who know me quite well, it is taking every single solitary ounce of strength and will to not make my famous "you're a freaking idiot" face. I still slip up and show that face sometimes, but it's far less frequently than it really could be. If you want to see change then you have to make changes yourself. Having someone who is already where you want to be in front of you does not mean you changed. If you don't know what you're doing, that's fine. You want to learn, that's great! You know you need someone to help you so you hire someone to teach you. This is also a great plan because it's a way to have your own personal tutor for a language you don't understand.
Mini-rant over for now. Ok, well I'm going to go back to my meal plan because it's Sunday, which means tomorrow is Monday (grocery day).
Happy Training
Well race day came this morning and we trotted out freezing our butts off for the first mile. It was about 38 degrees when we started, but we dressed appropriately so we weren't super cold. We were both warm by mile 1. So I had to remind super long legs here that we were supposed to be doing a training run. Something relaxing and fun, not out to win. Constantly having to remind her to slow her 6 foot tall frame to slow it down was actually entertaining because I always had a smart alack way to say something to her about slowing down. Around mile 5 though I almost screamed at her because we were running a decent pace, and it didn't feel horrendous but I figured we would pay for it later. Yeah, that pace was 7:20. Crack-head. I told her to slow her psycho butt down or else I was going to throw my shoe at her, tell her to pick it up, then bring it back to me. Like I said, it was entertaining. We also came up for a headline for the Cincinnati Enquirer during one of the water stops. I was slowing down a touch to drink some water because the last time I tried to keep up with her I choked on the water and thought I would drown. She laughed at me since I was slowing down and I said "wouldn't that be a sight. "Master swim team coach drowns during half marathon."" The lady running behind us was cracking up because we were ridiculous. Oh, and fyi, it's really hard to laugh hysterically and run hard at the same time. Your body really appreciates it when you breath normal when you're running. Meanwhile, Ali ended up having to drag my untrained butt the last mile and a half because my legs were shot! I felt like my legs were going to fall off or just completely quit very very soon. We finished in 1:53 and some change, pretty good for an impromptu half marathon that we didn't train for. We realized about 50 yards into the race that our longest run since August was a 9 mile run that we did 3 weeks ago. Oops. Oh well, it turned out just fine!
Ok, on to my mini vent. I have a tiny pet peeve with people. Mostly people who are supposedly desperate to lose weight, really want help, and beg for training. If you know you're in bad shape and you know that you don't know what you're doing, why on God's green earth would you decide to quit training?! That's akin to wanting to become Yanni and hiring all the best teachers but only wanting to practice once per week then decide that you're going to try it on your own, and oh yeah, take up ping pong and see how your piano skills come along while playing ping pong. :/ This doesn't make any sense! I have had people tell me to my face "I know I need to lose at least 150lbs and I know what to do and what I should eat. I just don't want to do any cardio because I hate treadmills, and I don't want to lift heavy weights because I don't want to look bulky." For those of you who know me quite well, it is taking every single solitary ounce of strength and will to not make my famous "you're a freaking idiot" face. I still slip up and show that face sometimes, but it's far less frequently than it really could be. If you want to see change then you have to make changes yourself. Having someone who is already where you want to be in front of you does not mean you changed. If you don't know what you're doing, that's fine. You want to learn, that's great! You know you need someone to help you so you hire someone to teach you. This is also a great plan because it's a way to have your own personal tutor for a language you don't understand.
Mini-rant over for now. Ok, well I'm going to go back to my meal plan because it's Sunday, which means tomorrow is Monday (grocery day).
Happy Training
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