Beulah M. Davie

Beulah M. Davie: Grandmother, Mother, Daughter, Aunt, Sister, Wife, care giver, warm lap, caring arms, soft words, encourager, strength, inspiration, supporter, believer, gathering point, fun creator, and confidant.  She will be gone in body, but will be with us forever watching over us.

As many of you now know, Grandma passed away last Tuesday evening.  She was surrounded by family nonstop for the previous few days before her passing.  I am upset that she is gone, but I am grateful that she did not have to suffer many of the things she hated in the last little bit.  The previous weekend I went up to visit Grandma and she was doing really well!  She was able to walk wherever she wanted to in the house, cheer for OSU Basketball, and carry on full conversations.  The next weekend my sister was up with her and said there was a noticeable decline.  Sam went home Sunday evening.  My mom called Monday morning because the decline was very severe.  Mom called and asked how quickly I could get up there, so I packed my bags and flew home to Bellefontaine.  I text Sam and she quickly packed and came back to Grandma's.  We had cousins helping, mom, each other, and neighbors helping out.

Monday morning Grandma was able to stand up and sort of walk.  Monday afternoon she could barely stand.  Monday night, standing wasn't a thing and sitting up was barely a thing.  Tuesday, no sitting up on her own.  It sounds terrible, and it was terrible, but I feel that being there with her the whole time has helped me understand that her being gone is a "good" thing.  It's not a good thing in the traditional sense, but it is a good thing in the face that she was completely miserable and never wanted to live like that for an extended period of time.  We all knew Grandma was an active person, a strong willed person, and a phenomenal person.  As much as we didn't want Grandma to go, we didn't want her to suffer either.  So she's gone, and we're all left with a gaping hole in our lives.  Mom pointed it out best as to how Grandma really was our guide for everything.  I would call Grandma if I was lost in a different city, I would even call her if I lost my keys.  I would call Grandma for everything.  Now I can't call.

This was a very hard realization to come to, but it has been made easier because I'm surrounded by people who care.  I am blessed to have family, friends, co-workers, a very understanding husband, and extended family who will all take care of each other.  I have some relief in knowing that if I needed to call and talk to someone that I have a long list of people that I can reach out to who would be willing to listen.  I am aware that not everyone has this luxury, and that is very unfortunate.  I am also comforted by something I read the day/morning after Grandma passed.

I get emails from Proverbs 31 Ministries, and the one I received on Wednesday morning was incredibly fitting.  It was "Jesus Mourns with You".   It was from John 11:35 talking about how Jesus wept and knows the pain that we're feeling.  I had argued with God the night of Grandma's passing, talking about how if He is such a God of compassion, why would He allow someone who has done no wrong to suffer so much.  Why would He have someone who has taken care of anyone who came to her, went to church her whole life, and gave no matter how much or little she had at the moment go through cancer/treatments/pain.  It was probably a discussion that most people wouldn't associate with "praying", but it was how I honestly felt.  That night when Grandma was feeling so miserable, couldn't talk, and was in incredible pain (she asked for morphine, which she didn't even like Tylenol before, so morphine was a HUGE deal) I was praying/arguing about her not making it through the night because she was so miserable.  We had probably 30 people in the house throughout Tuesday, after all the kids left, Phil left, and the house quieted down, she passed in peace.  She passed with Sam, Shawn, my mom, and myself by her side (Dave was on his way back).  We were all able to tell her how much we loved her, that she was our inspiration, and that we would all be ok, because she raised us to take care of each other.  That next morning I was reminded that Jesus wept and feels our pain.  I needed that reassurance, because everything leading up to that point was making it seem very much like we were fighting a battle that we would never win, all on our own.

Beulah M. Davie: Grandmother, Mother, Daughter, Aunt, Sister, Wife, care giver, warm lap, caring arms, soft words, encourager, strength, inspiration, supporter, believer, gathering point, fun creator, and confidant.  She will be gone in body, but will be with us forever watching over us.

Cells can be jerks

Sometimes you have to realize that there are things going on in your life that you simply just cannot fix. I've known this for a while but this really became true after talking to Grandma tonight.  I'm still processing a lot of things, like how she sounds so different sometimes on the phone, how she is almost always out of breath anymore, and how she has ever increasing difficulty just doing simple things that never used to phase her.  The voice I'm used to hearing on the phone and the voice actually on the other end of the line don't match up anymore. There were more days than not that she would sound more like herself, but those days are becoming increasingly fewer.  

How do I deal with it? Well, apparently I'm a great impersonator for grandma.  I can say things just like her and it cracks up my mom.  I run a lot. I am in the middle of Ironman training which helps keep me sane.  I work with a lot of really good people who know what's going on and have already told me that regardless of short notice or anything they can help me cover whatever I need with my clients.  I don't have to worry about gaining and "occurrence" like I have at other jobs for family emergencies.  If something happens I just have to say I need to go and it's all taken care of.  That is a huge stress relief.  Outside of that I pretty much just realize there are few things that I can control, so I control them the best I can. I can't control much else from that.  When I get to see my grandma I just appreciate the time I have, reminisce with her, and make new memories.  She loves making over my Zoey puppy, and Zoey loves grandma, so that's fun to watch.  There are a lot of times that I juts take in that weekend, dinner, moment, whatever and enjoy it.  That's about all that you can do.  All because one cell decided to be a little pain in the ass and get his receptors all out of joint and not recognize cell growth inhibitors.  Then he squished other cells, multiplied with a vengeance, and decided to not be receptive to any of the treatments that should have killed him and his million and one friends dead.  Humph. Little jerk.  (I realize this is a gross over simplification of cancer, but it gets the point across)

And We're Off!

The 2014 Race season is about to officially begin!  Felix (my bike) has been spending more time in the living room, enjoying some good quality TV time, a little more sweat than he's used to, and A LOT of post-it-notes stuck to him.  I feel a lot better when I can organize my training and racing life, and post-its certainly help on that end.  I have colors for different training days, my races are signed up for and posted, and my rest days are left noticeably blank.  Yesterday I officially registered for my two Half Marathons coming up this spring, I have a Half Ironman figured out, and IRONMAN WISCONSIN training is a full go.   I realize it's only March, but seriously, I'm going to go 140.6 miles in September, non-stop, as fast as I can...training now sounds really good.

My Calendar for March:

Blues are swims, Pinks are speed/track work, greens are bikes, red numbers are runs.  Wednesdays are blank but there is an "optional" 1000m swim each Wednesday just to get another swim on the board, but nothing ridiculous since it's supposed to be an active recovery day.

Half Marathon Xenia - April 6th

Flying Pig Half Marathon - May 4th

Rev3 Knoxville 70.3 - May 18th

Ironman Muncie 70.3 - July 12

Ironman Wisconsin 140.6 - September 7th

I'm looking to add a couple of either sprint or olympic distances in here because they'll help with building speed, plus they're fun!

Ok, off to swim again! :D

Eating Disorders, Athletes, and Gyms

So I guess that I missed the boat a tiny bit as last week was "Eating Disorder Awareness Week."  It's still important, and some how eating disorders became the topic of the day with my clients, completely unprovoked, they just all had something to say.  Some people think that eating disorders are things that only affects those who are trying to lose weight, look a certain way, or have an incredible urge to be "skinny".  There is truth behind this thought process, but at the same time this is a strong misconception.  Someone who is very overweight can have an eating disorder, just like someone who is severely underweight.  Athletes can even have an eating disorder.

I've noticed that some athletes become almost obsessed with how much they eat between workouts, on the bike, before lifting, on off days, after swims, the list goes on and on.  I was able to study a little bit about eating disorders in school, but it didn't hit home until I get to encounter it every day.  The worst part is that some "fitness professionals" encourage this behavior thinking that the athlete is being diligent.  There is a fine line between being well informed and keeping track of your food to take the best care of your body possible, and then there's obsessive and being dangerous.  I have discovered that a lot of women, and a surprising amount of men, will count their calories to oblivion and still wonder why they aren't making progress.  Your body requires good calories.  Strong calories.  Being "vegan" and only eating lettuce and berries will not give you the look of:

Now, you most certainly can be "Vegan" and still obtain this image, but you're going to have to be creative with your protein sources, calorie dense foods, and getting enough calories in the day on top of your working out.  I fortunately? unfortunately? get to talk to a lot of people every day, and they all want to talk about food at one point or another.  I had a very sweet gal talk to me about getting in shape.  She wanted to know how much she would need to work out, eat, lift, run, etc.  Her goal was to lose another 5lbs so that she could "look like me", I weighed her in and she was 100lbs, 5' 2", 17% Body Fat.  She was tiny.

The big misconception here was that she thought the way to get the lean and defined look was to keep losing weight.  She was well on her way to looking like a short runway model with absolutely no body fat or muscle tone.  I asked how many calories she ate per day and how often she worked out and we both about fell over with each others responses.  She worked out, doing cardio of form, for a minimum of 2 hours per day, she only ate between 1000-1200 calories per day.  This is the reason she's so tiny and has no muscle.  Strength training isn't in her repertoire and she's not eating enough for her body to repair itself even if she was lifting weights.  She would end up injured.

The biggest problem with Eating Disorders is that there isn't a lot of reasoning you can do with them because they are a mental disorder of form.  In her head she still had a mental image of someone who was overweight and wanted to get smaller.  The body image that she wanted to obtain, mentally, meant that she was going to have to lose weight.  Athletes do the same thing, they want to look a certain way, perform a certain way, and have a certain body image.  There is some truth in getting to "Race weight", but it's still a healthy weight.

When you're talking about getting to race weight, you want to be as light as you can be while still being as strong as you can be, you want a good power to weight ratio.  It does no good to be stick thin and look like an Ethiopian as a triathlete because then you don't have the arms to swim, or the legs to bike, you just have the tiny body to run.  That won't work out too well with anything longer than a sprint distance.

Just think about this, if you're not fueling your body correctly, or with enough calories, then your body is going to suffer.  Your mental health is going to suffer.  Your friends/family/supporters are going to suffer because you'll be miserable to be around.  There isn't a magic number that we can slap on someone and say "yes, this is exactly how much of x, y, and z that you need to eat and you'll be perfect", it doesn't work that way.  Very few people believe that in early training right now, I'm eating about 2200 calories a day.  That may not sound like a lot, but  I'm also 4' 11" and 103# training about 10 hours a week (give or take a couple of hours).  When Ironman season is in full swing later this summer, I bet I'll double that number and still weigh the same just because of the demand I'll put on my body.  If you're training hard and getting injured, not healing, and feel like you hate the world.  Look at how much you're putting your body through and how you're feeding it.  If you're dropping weight like crazy and are miserable, then it's time to reevaluate your nutrition and get on track to a stronger, healthier body.