Cells can be jerks

Sometimes you have to realize that there are things going on in your life that you simply just cannot fix. I've known this for a while but this really became true after talking to Grandma tonight.  I'm still processing a lot of things, like how she sounds so different sometimes on the phone, how she is almost always out of breath anymore, and how she has ever increasing difficulty just doing simple things that never used to phase her.  The voice I'm used to hearing on the phone and the voice actually on the other end of the line don't match up anymore. There were more days than not that she would sound more like herself, but those days are becoming increasingly fewer.  

How do I deal with it? Well, apparently I'm a great impersonator for grandma.  I can say things just like her and it cracks up my mom.  I run a lot. I am in the middle of Ironman training which helps keep me sane.  I work with a lot of really good people who know what's going on and have already told me that regardless of short notice or anything they can help me cover whatever I need with my clients.  I don't have to worry about gaining and "occurrence" like I have at other jobs for family emergencies.  If something happens I just have to say I need to go and it's all taken care of.  That is a huge stress relief.  Outside of that I pretty much just realize there are few things that I can control, so I control them the best I can. I can't control much else from that.  When I get to see my grandma I just appreciate the time I have, reminisce with her, and make new memories.  She loves making over my Zoey puppy, and Zoey loves grandma, so that's fun to watch.  There are a lot of times that I juts take in that weekend, dinner, moment, whatever and enjoy it.  That's about all that you can do.  All because one cell decided to be a little pain in the ass and get his receptors all out of joint and not recognize cell growth inhibitors.  Then he squished other cells, multiplied with a vengeance, and decided to not be receptive to any of the treatments that should have killed him and his million and one friends dead.  Humph. Little jerk.  (I realize this is a gross over simplification of cancer, but it gets the point across)