Beulah M. Davie: Grandmother, Mother, Daughter, Aunt, Sister, Wife, care giver, warm lap, caring arms, soft words, encourager, strength, inspiration, supporter, believer, gathering point, fun creator, and confidant. She will be gone in body, but will be with us forever watching over us.
As many of you now know, Grandma passed away last Tuesday evening. She was surrounded by family nonstop for the previous few days before her passing. I am upset that she is gone, but I am grateful that she did not have to suffer many of the things she hated in the last little bit. The previous weekend I went up to visit Grandma and she was doing really well! She was able to walk wherever she wanted to in the house, cheer for OSU Basketball, and carry on full conversations. The next weekend my sister was up with her and said there was a noticeable decline. Sam went home Sunday evening. My mom called Monday morning because the decline was very severe. Mom called and asked how quickly I could get up there, so I packed my bags and flew home to Bellefontaine. I text Sam and she quickly packed and came back to Grandma's. We had cousins helping, mom, each other, and neighbors helping out.
Monday morning Grandma was able to stand up and sort of walk. Monday afternoon she could barely stand. Monday night, standing wasn't a thing and sitting up was barely a thing. Tuesday, no sitting up on her own. It sounds terrible, and it was terrible, but I feel that being there with her the whole time has helped me understand that her being gone is a "good" thing. It's not a good thing in the traditional sense, but it is a good thing in the face that she was completely miserable and never wanted to live like that for an extended period of time. We all knew Grandma was an active person, a strong willed person, and a phenomenal person. As much as we didn't want Grandma to go, we didn't want her to suffer either. So she's gone, and we're all left with a gaping hole in our lives. Mom pointed it out best as to how Grandma really was our guide for everything. I would call Grandma if I was lost in a different city, I would even call her if I lost my keys. I would call Grandma for everything. Now I can't call.
This was a very hard realization to come to, but it has been made easier because I'm surrounded by people who care. I am blessed to have family, friends, co-workers, a very understanding husband, and extended family who will all take care of each other. I have some relief in knowing that if I needed to call and talk to someone that I have a long list of people that I can reach out to who would be willing to listen. I am aware that not everyone has this luxury, and that is very unfortunate. I am also comforted by something I read the day/morning after Grandma passed.
I get emails from Proverbs 31 Ministries, and the one I received on Wednesday morning was incredibly fitting. It was "Jesus Mourns with You". It was from John 11:35 talking about how Jesus wept and knows the pain that we're feeling. I had argued with God the night of Grandma's passing, talking about how if He is such a God of compassion, why would He allow someone who has done no wrong to suffer so much. Why would He have someone who has taken care of anyone who came to her, went to church her whole life, and gave no matter how much or little she had at the moment go through cancer/treatments/pain. It was probably a discussion that most people wouldn't associate with "praying", but it was how I honestly felt. That night when Grandma was feeling so miserable, couldn't talk, and was in incredible pain (she asked for morphine, which she didn't even like Tylenol before, so morphine was a HUGE deal) I was praying/arguing about her not making it through the night because she was so miserable. We had probably 30 people in the house throughout Tuesday, after all the kids left, Phil left, and the house quieted down, she passed in peace. She passed with Sam, Shawn, my mom, and myself by her side (Dave was on his way back). We were all able to tell her how much we loved her, that she was our inspiration, and that we would all be ok, because she raised us to take care of each other. That next morning I was reminded that Jesus wept and feels our pain. I needed that reassurance, because everything leading up to that point was making it seem very much like we were fighting a battle that we would never win, all on our own.
Beulah M. Davie: Grandmother, Mother, Daughter, Aunt, Sister, Wife, care giver, warm lap, caring arms, soft words, encourager, strength, inspiration, supporter, believer, gathering point, fun creator, and confidant. She will be gone in body, but will be with us forever watching over us.
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